


Worth it

by ForEvenAndEver (yuraxchan)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, impossible love, mention of infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 22:37:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13063620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/ForEvenAndEver
Summary: Love is always worth it, no matter what.





	Worth it

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this today because I'm grieving, sorry if it's a little sad. I wish love was the answer. Please remember that love is worth it, that life is worth it.

There’s a lot to say about how it feels to like someone who’s already taken, but really it all comes down to this: it hurts so freaking much.

It’s one hell of a ride that’s for sure, love and pain mixed together, like in every romance story. There’s not always a happy ending though, which is why Isak always wonders why he subjects himself to that.

_Why?_

The answer is easy: it’s fucking worth it. Feelings are worth it, no matter what. Loving someone is worth it.

That’s what Isak tries to tell himself as he lies awake at night, staring at the ceiling and wishing Even was beside him and not lying in someone else’s bed.

When he closes his eyes and imagines Even’s blue ones staring into his, Even’s kissable lips, the curve of his nose, the apples of his cheeks, his smell and his reassuring presence. His chest hurts with how much he wants him, knowing he can’t.

Even’s own feelings make it harder for him not to _want_. Their attraction for each other is obvious for anyone knowing where to look. The stares, the private smiles, the hands brushs, their thighs touching under the table while they sit close.

It’s the little things really, little attentions. Sharing earbuds or food, sitting together in a comfortable silence for hours while studying, just basking in each other’s presence. It always makes Isak feel warm inside.

He doesn’t ask for more, he doesn’t _need_ more. Usually, that is.

The thing is, Isak doesn’t really believe in love or relationship. He’s never let himself think too much about it, because love is scary. Dangerous. Unpredictable. He’s already been heartbroken so many times before that he chose to close that door.

But then Even barged in. Destroyed every wall Isak had built around himself. He hated it, because it made him vulnerable and if there’s one thing Isak hated it’s being vulnerable.

He knows Even is too, because of him. He should feel better knowing this, but it really doesn’t. Instead of being the only one feeling miserable, the both of them are. Or at least, that’s what he thinks.

It seems like Even isn’t really bothered by their situation, or he hides it very well. Isak suspects he’s just trying not to think about it. It’s better to fool yourself, than facing reality. Isak knows that all too well.

When they’re together, the world fades away and it’s just the two of them. Talking to each other at midnight, sharing thoughts and feelings and playing with fire is a bad habit of them. In the early hours of the morning, everything seems possible, doable.

But when the day comes, it all comes crashing down.

Isak wonders if that’s just going to be their thing: loving each other in silence, loving each other at night, loving each other in the dark.

He’s noticed the pattern, how they love, then hurt. Themselves. Each other.

They push and pull. One step forward, then one step backward.

At night, it’s easier to hope, to dream, to want. It’s so easy to forget oneself. To forget the reality of the situation.

But sometimes, Isak feels like he’s alone in this. He doubts and wonders if he should just stop this. It’s hurting him, hurting them, and in the end he knows he’s the one going to be left in the dust. He can foresee this.

Then Even says or does something and Isak caves in.

And when it finally comes to an end, Even finally deciding that they should say goodbye to each other, because “ _it’s not going to work out_ ”, Isak can only accept it, respect it. Tries to be understanding despite the hurt, the pain, the heartbreak.

They try to stay friends, but fail – they’ve never made to be _just friends_ anyway – becoming strangers again.

Isak tries to keep their memories together close to his heart, thinking that “at least, i’ve been loved, i’ve loved, we were in love”. He tries not to crumble, not to resent Even and to wish him happiness.

He knew from the start how it would end. Even had told him he would hurt him, had told him that “in another life” they could be together, but he still chose to hope it would be in this life instead. Silly little kid. Stupid heart.

Now, it hurts and he has to say goodbye, again. The thing is, Isak has never been good at saying goodbye. At not feeling rejected. At not blaming himself, “am I not lovable? am I not enough?” he would always think.

He has to force himself to remember Even’s beautiful words and actions to soothe his aching heart. He has to repeat to himself “I am enough, I am loved” to keep going, to refrain himself from breaking.

Heartbreak is never easy, but it was still worth it. Love is always worth it, no matter what. And he would do it again. Just to feel loved. Just to feel alive, at least for a little time.


End file.
